Table of Contents
Introduction
“Take off your clothes and get on all fours on the bed. NOW!”
The last word cuts through the air as if you had cracked a belt. Moments ago, you and your girlfriend had been making out in the doorway of your bedroom as a prelude to the main event. You had always had a playful relationship, and when you suggested hopping into bed, she giggled, the gleam of a challenge in her eyes. “Oh, is that what you want me to do?” Her question came out in a singsong, but that look in her eyes was still there. That’s when you commanded her to strip and pose for you…the night your entire relationship changed.
Part of you thought she’d walk out when you gave the command…maybe even slap you in the face and call you a chauvinist pig on her way out. Instead, the challenging gleam in her eyes was replaced with soft submission, and she bit her lip even as she obediently began removing her clothes. Soon enough, she was completely naked and on all fours, her ass high in the air and wiggling with apparent anticipation. “Is this how you want me…Daddy?”, she asked. A term she had never used before.
In response, you plunged your cock deep into her warm and wet (had she ever been this wet before?) cunt. Her screams of pleasure mounted quickly, and she screamed out three electrifying words when she came: “thank you, Daddy!” In response, your own orgasm rolled through your body like wildfire, leaving a singular thought in its wake: both of you have one hell of a domination kink!
Your Domination Denomination
Do you like to take control of things in your life? If so, you may eventually decide to take control in the bedroom, too. This can provide a sexy thrill, but many who love doing this don’t even have the words for what they are feeling, much less enough info to fully embrace their kinky new desire.
In a nutshell, if you love the idea of taking charge in the bedroom, then you’re into BDSM and prefer to be a dominant (or Dom) with a submissive partner. However, with that being said, there are many different ways to explore the power dynamics involved, and even those who are veterans in the BDSM lifestyle often find themselves wondering how they can be a better Dom.
We’ve got you covered, boo. Whether you’re a veteran kinkster or just taking your first steps into the wet and wild world of BDSM, this guide will walk you through how to be the best Dom you can be!
Why is Domination so Seductive?
If you’re on the fence about why domination is so hot, just go check out this domination and submission scene featuring a woman wanting to be dominated. If it stirs something in your heart (or maybe a lower part of your anatomy), then you’re a Dom who knows damn well what makes domination so hot: wielding power over a submissive partner.
Now, this doesn’t mean a Dom gets to do whatever they want with a Sub, and it certainly doesn’t mean the relationship should ever be abusive. In reality, those engaged in BDSM negotiate things like dynamics, boundaries, limits, safe words, and so on. This is an exchange of power between the Sub to the Dom, and everyone must enthusiastically consent to everything that happens in the bedroom.
Once you’ve done that, you can enjoy taking control of a willing partner and embracing who you truly are. And with our help, you can enjoy a BDSM kink that will completely transform your sex life for the better.
How Does a Dominant and Submissive Relationship Work?
BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. It comes in many flavors, including various sexual practices and roleplaying scenes that involve control, consensual power exchange, and sometimes even pain. It all comes down to what each partner wants out of the relationship…some may enjoy the impact play of a hard spanking, for example, while others may prefer things like verbal degradation. In some cases, couples may employ special titles in the bedroom (like Master and Slave) or even engage in a Total Power Exchange (where the Dom continues to control the Sub even outside of scenes or other sexual encounters).
Doms typically issue commands over their Subs and take control of them in various ways, including handcuffs, ropes, and other restraints. If that sounds exciting to try, you’ll need to learn more about rope bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, and other types of power play. We’ve got everything you need to know about different Kinks and Fetishes, including the BDSM and impact play guides you need to experience this kinky dynamic in a mutually exciting way.
Embracing BDSM can often feel like you have a naughty secret…a kind of secret Dom identity that only your partners get to see. Because of this, role-playing scenarios are also common this lifestyle, especially ones that embrace the power differentials between Dom and Sub. For example, the teacher play, Daddy Dom little girl, and corruption kink all provide opportunities for you to roleplay as someone who has power over a submissive.
And take it from us: there may be nothing in sex quite as satisfying as Domming an obedient and well-trained Sub!
How To Be Dominant?
Below, the rest of this guide has plenty of crunchy information about why domination is so hot, types of domination, and types of doms. Before we go any further, though, it’s important to answer the biggest question of all: how to be dominant. And while this may sound like the bumper sticker of a particularly horny driver, it all boils down to this: dominance is a state of mind.
That’s because domming someone isn’t just a bit of fun roleplay…during sex, it involves fully embracing the control you have and enjoying the thrill of your partner’s obedient submission. Most of us spend much of our days feeling like our lives are out of our control, so taking control in the bedroom can feel both powerful and reassuring. Not only are you now fully in control, but you can revel in the heady feeling of controlling someone else.
Remember, though: domming someone is about more than your own pleasure. Your partner has enthusiastically consented because they get off on this just as much as you do. By respecting their boundaries and discussing scenes, limits, and safewords ahead of time, you can maximize your partner’s pleasure as well as your own. That’s also part of the joy of being a dom: using the power and control you have over someone else to bring them the kind of pleasure they couldn’t get from anyone else.
In short, being dominant is about the erotic pleasure that comes from exerting control and power over another human being within the limits of a consensual kink dynamic. And once you realize how intoxicating that control can be, all that’s left is for you to figure out what kind of dom you will be (more on this later in the guide).
More About Why Domination Makes You So Horny
Many are even more resistant to BDSM than other kinks because they worry that their fantasies are retrograde or even harmful. In a world where we are still striving for sexual equality, for example, it may seem downright improper to get off on the idea of making your girlfriend into a sexually subservient slave. But remember, everyone consensually agrees to these roles, meaning your girl is getting off on being submissive just as much as you are on being dominant.
That’s a big part of why domination is so hot, of course…you’re showing the real you (the one driven by primitive animal desires and raw lust) to a partner who is willing to accept your authentic self and not the one you show the world. Furthermore, research shows these roles can make you feel both happy and relieved, especially if they are different from your daily life. For example, a high-powered female executive may like the idea of submitting in bed because her daytime hours are all about making decisions for other people. Conversely, a mild-mannered customer service representative may like the idea of dominating someone because he has to spend 40 hours a week focused on making other people happy.
Long story not very short, BDSM taps into the part of our brains that focus on power. Some are turned on by taking it and others are turned on by surrendering it. When you find the right power, Domming can be satisfying and even therapeutic because you no longer have to hide who you are from the rest of the world. And because the Dom/Sub relationship requires so much communication, you get to experience a closer bond with your partner than you ever imagined, all while enjoying the kinds of freaky sex you thought only existed in porn.
Talk about a win/win!
Domination Types
Believe it or not, there are several ways you can Dom a willing Sub…you just need to find the method that works best for both of you. Some couples like to confine everything to the bedroom, possibly building sexual encounters are pre-planned scenes. Others like to embrace Total Power Exchange (TPE), where one person gives up all control to another. Obviously, TPE requires a lot of trust and experience. For all its apparent intensity, though, TPE is basically an ongoing roleplaying game where each player has agreed to all the rules ahead of time.
In addition to TPE, there are different forms like 24/7 relationships, including Total Authority Transfer (TAT), and Consensual Non-Consent in CNC kink. While TPE involves total decision-making surrender, TAT still allows for the Sub to make certain decisions within the relationship. Meanwhile, CNC involves pre-negotiated boundaries within an illusion of non-consent (basically, the couple roleplays that the Dom is having sex with the Sub without her consent, but she already consented ahead of time for him to do so). There are also power exchange variants, including Head of Household (HOH), Domestic Discipline, and Daddy Dom/little girl.
Remember, there’s no “normal”…there’s simply what you and your partner find exciting (or not). Both of you should research the matter together and try different flavors of BDSM before you settle on a dynamic that works best for both of you.
There’s More Fun with Consent
Consent is important for all forms of sex, but it’s particularly important with BDSM. The BDSM community puts emphasis on the importance and need for safety, sanity and consent (SSC) in kink activities. This framework has evolved into Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), which focuses on being aware of risks and ensuring consent. Also, the theory of Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK) emphasizes the need for people to be more aware of the risks involved.
By any other name, all of this boils down to establishing clear communication. This may include agreeing on a safe word. Both of you need to establish and respect boundaries, reflect on how sessions went, and openly discuss what you would and wouldn’t want to try next. If you’ve never done it before, all of this research and power dynamic negotiation may sound pretty boring, but it’s actually quite exciting. That’s because you and your partner are figuring out how to have mind-blowing sex, and there’s nothing hotter than that!
Types of Doms
Now you know a bit more about how to Dom and why it’s so hot. But why kind of Dom will you actually be? Below, you’ll find a breakdown of the most common types of dominants that will help you determine how, exactly, you want to practice BDSM.
Daddy Dominants (Daddy Doms)
A dominant male may be called Daddy Dom. There are role-plays such as DDlg where he represents a father figure, with the submissive called “girl,” “little girl,” or “babygirl.” Those participating in this dynamic are mostly focused on the Dom providing support, protection, and mentorship. That means taking care of your little girl, in and out of the bedroom.
Mommy Dominants (Mommy Doms)
A Mommy Dom is a woman who takes a dominant role, often seen as controlling, disciplining, and nurturing. Subs see Dommy Mommies as sources of deep wisdom and deep desire and are very eager to please their mother figure. As for the Doms themselves, they get a thrill out of setting rules and keeping everything in order, all while nurturing an obedient Sub who looks to them for guidance.
Masters and Mistresses
In BDSM, “Mistress” and “Master” are terms for those who control and lead their submissive partners. There’s a power exchange, with the submissive willingly serving the dominant. Masters and Mistresses focus on service and obedience. They often have strict rules and boundaries. The Dominant’s role is to guide and develop the relationship, fostering growth and setting goals for their Sub (who may have their own nicknames ranging from “slave” to “bitch”). In this dynamic, the Sub lives to please and may be punished (via spanking or other means) for failing to meet their Master’s demands.
Brat Tamers
A “brat tamer” handles a mischievous or unruly submissive, known as a brat. Brats enjoy testing and taunting their Dominant, seeking “punishments” to maintain the dynamic. In this dynamic, the brat doesn’t always act immediately obedient…instead, she may playfully act out in a way that demands a spanking and generally drives her Dom crazy. Brat tamer can be a very rewarding role for a Dom, but it takes plenty of clear communication to make it work.
Femdom (Female Dominant)
A Femdom involves a woman taking a dominant role in BDSM. Unlike with the gentler Dommy Mommies, this includes domination, punishment, and humiliation of her submissives. For everyone involved, the appeal lies in power exchange and overall escapism…in this case, letting her show the Sub what Girl Power is all about!
How to Practice Power Exchange in Your Dom and Sub Relationship
In Dom/sub relationships, setting boundaries and keeping communication open is crucial. It’s akin to nurturing a garden of trust and intimacy. When you clearly define your boundaries, you’re watering the roots, creating a safe space where both you and your partner feel secure and respected.
Think of effective communication as sunlight for this garden. It allows you to openly share your needs, desires, and fears. Just like a garden needs constant care, a Dom/sub relationship needs regular check-ins and safe words to ensure both partners feel heard and understood.
Trust is the most precious flower in this garden, growing through patience, empathy, and respect. Building trust in a Dom/sub dynamic is like a gardener tending their plants with dedication, requiring time and deep commitment to each other’s well-being.
By planting boundaries with care, nurturing communication with warmth, and cultivating trust with tenderness, partners can create a thriving garden of respect and love in their Dom/sub relationship.
To go deeper into dominance kink, consider exploring various facets like books, websites, online platforms, instructional classes, and memoirs about kink culture and BDSM. For those intrigued by specific dynamics, exploring kinks such as wrestling fetish, CBT (Cock and Ball Torture), sensory deprivation fetish, sissy fetish, and orgasm control fetish can enrich your experience. Each of these kinks offers unique ways to engage with power, pain, and pleasure, pushing boundaries and deepening the connection between partners.
You may eventually want to enhance your journey with various equipment and techniques. Spreader bars, ball gags, whips, handcuffs, and blindfolds are just the beginning. Whether you’re experimenting with the intense control of Femdom or the strict discipline of a master/slave, remember that safety, consent, and communication are key. These tools and techniques can add excitement and allow you to explore these dynamics safely and consensually.
Dominants and Submissives, Have Fun!
Think of dominance kink as a fun (and very freaky) road trip with friends. It’s exciting, intense, and sometimes a bit bumpy. Like any adventure, to ensure a smooth ride through the world of power play, you need to pack essentials…in this case, consent, communication, and aftercare.
Remember, this isn’t just about being bossy. It’s about skillfully managing them in your relationship to delight both you and your partner. Set clear boundaries and keep your safe words handy as you dive into the domination kink. And don’t forget that Know Your Sins is always here to help you do what you do best: take charge!