Table of Contents
Introduction
Have you ever fantasized about a strong, sexy lover taking full control over you? Maybe you’ve imagined being pushed up against a wall, having your clothes ripped off, and being fucked roughly. If you have, don’t worry – you don’t actually want to be raped. But, you might have a rape fantasy! And you’re not alone.
Rape fantasies are a complex topic and one that is very delicate. We must note right away that rape play is not sexual assault and there’s no forced sex involved – it’s all completely consensual.
If the idea makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s fine – it’s not for you. But if it’s something that piques your interest, you’re in the right place.
This guide will help you navigate rape play with confidence, respect, and a focus on mutual consent.
What Is Rape Play?
Rape play, or consensual non-consent (CNC), is a form of role play in the BDSM world. It involves people agreeing to act out scenarios involving force or coercion (pressure) which they find sexually exciting.
Take note of that phrase “people agreeing” – that’s because everything is previously agreed upon and consented to by everyone involved.
In rape play, one partner is the dominant partner (playing the “aggressor”). The other partner is the submissive partner (playing the “victim”). The couple needs to have a rock-solid foundation of trust and communication.
You’d be surprised how many people have rape fantasies but would never want them to happen in real life. I know it might sound scary, but this is a safe way to explore rape fantasies with someone you trust.
If you’re curious about what goes on in these fantasies, check out Nancy Friday’s 1973 book, My Secret Garden. It’s packed with stories from women who opened up about all sorts of sexual fantasies.
It’s not just women though – anyone of any gender or sexual orientation can experiment with rape play.
Sexual Assault Vs Rape Play
Before we go any further, it’s crucial we clearly distinguish between sexual assault and consensual rape play.
This is very important, especially in today’s society where women in particular are facing so many dangers. Here at KYS, we do not condone any sort of non-consensual act. We fully condemn sexual assault and we want to make that completely clear.
Sexual assault is a non-consensual act that causes real harm and trauma. In contrast, the sexual behavior in rape play is rooted in mutual consent, trust, and clear communication. There is no real harm or forced sex involved.
Why Do People Enjoy Rape Role Play?
Now that we’ve covered the basics, you might be wondering: “Why do people have rape fantasies? And why do they want to act them out?” That’s a reasonable question, so let’s take a look.
The idea of power, control, and non-consent goes way back in human history, even though the term “rape play” is pretty new. Throughout history, sexual relationships often mirrored the power dynamics and gender inequalities of the times.
It wasn’t until the 20th century that people started openly discussing sexual fantasies, including those involving non-consent. But they existed before that and they’re normal sexual desires.
In today’s BDSM communities, rape fantasies have become a way to safely explore these dynamics of power and control. People do it because it turns them on!
Research suggests that some people use this type of sexual activity as a way to cope with past trauma and take back their control.
For other people, it’s a way to keep their sex life interesting and add to their BDSM play. Some people find that BDSM acts can bring them closer to their partners because they require so much trust and open communication.
Whatever the reason, if you have rape fantasies, you don’t need to feel guilty or ashamed. You’re not ‘freaky’ or ‘wrong’ – it’s completely valid to explore your natural desires.
Tips for Trying Consensual Rape Play
I’ve included some tips below to help get you started if you’re interested in exploring your rape fantasies.
Doing Your Research
Since this is such a complicated topic, I recommend doing your research first. You could try reading some books or watching some movies.
Kinks and fetishes are very stigmatized, so I find it can be really helpful to connect with others who have the same interests. In my experience, this helps you to feel less alone and feel more confident in exploring that side of yourself.
Try online forums, chat rooms, blogs, social media, or even in-person groups and events. Here are some of my top recommendations:
FetLife: An online community with groups dedicated to consensual non-consent, BDSM, and more.
The Society of Janus: A San Francisco-based BDSM organization offering workshops, events, and resources for those exploring kink.
The Eulenspiegel Society (TES): Based in New York City, TES is one of the oldest BDSM education and social organizations, offering classes and events.
Communication and Consent
Without a doubt, the most important thing is to talk to your partner about rape play and ensure you both fully consent. Share your fantasies and establish clear boundaries. Make sure you talk about what you don’t want, as well as what you do want.
Safety is Key
Safe words are your lifeline in these scenarios. They can be used by either partner at any time to indicate they want to stop.
With any BDSM play, I always prefer having three words agreed upon in advance like a traffic light system- one for stop (red), one for ‘I’m getting close to my limit’ (amber), and one for ‘keep going, I love it’ (green). The green option can be used to reassure your partner that you are still enjoying it in tricky dynamics like rape play.
If you’re using gags or other restraints, I find it helpful to agree on non-verbal signals too. These safety measures ensure that everyone stays comfortable, and the play remains consensual.
Aftercare
After your roleplay, it’s important that you spend some time unwinding and reconnecting. I always like to use aftercare as an opportunity to talk about how it went, especially if I’ve tried something new with a lover.
Other Kinks and Fetishes That Work With Rape Fantasies
If you enjoy rape fantasies, there are plenty of other kinks and fetishes that can work well alongside them.
Anything involving domination and submission is likely to appeal to you, as it’s a very similar dynamic. You might also enjoy rope bondage, impact play, or fear play, as they have a lot of the same elements.
Edging and orgasm control fit in well with any dominant and submissive dynamic in my experience. I also absolutely love pegging and highly recommend checking that out.
Some people enjoy a DDlg Kink (Daddy Dom/Little Girl), which plays into dominance and submission.
If you are into something more mystical and magical, futanari rape might be for you – this is rape play involving a fantasy creature.
Final Thoughts: Sexual Fantasies Are Natural
Exploring rape fantasies and consensual rape play is a deeply personal journey. By communicating openly, setting clear boundaries, and prioritizing aftercare, you can create a space where these intense fantasies can be explored safely.
Remember, sexual fantasies are a normal part of human experience and there’s no shame in exploring them with care and consent.
