Table of Contents
Introduction
I started by running my fingers along her arms, lightly brushing her skin. She shivered, letting out a soft moan.
Her touch was just as tender, her hands slowly exploring my chest and shoulders.
The tension was thick, our movements slow and deliberate, each one heightening the desire between us.
I moaned softly as her hands moved lower, exploring me with tenderness and hunger. Our connection deepened with every touch, every breath.
The night stretched on, filled with soft moans and lingering touches, our bodies communicating in ways words never could…
What do you want sex to feel like for you and your partner? Do you want connection, closeness, passion, and slow, sensual exploration? Then perhaps tantric sex could be for you!
Sexual gratification is just one of the many pleasures of tantric sex. It’s passionate, it’s intimate, and it’s full of sexual arousal. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving!
This guide will take you through all the basics of tantric sex, including sharing top tantric sex positions and practices, as well as tips to help you get started.
What Is Tantric Sex?
Let’s start with the basics – what exactly is tantric sex? You’ve probably heard of it!
Tantric sex has been around for over 5000 years! It can be traced back to the traditional Eastern spiritual traditions of Buddhism, Taoism, and Hinduism.
It’s an ancient Indian practice that focuses on ‘weaving’ together spirituality, mindfulness, awareness, and sexuality. The name ‘tantric sex’ comes from the Sanskrit word ‘tantra’, which means ‘woven together’.
It’s about connecting the mind and body and increasing intimacy. Tantric sex teaches you to connect with your sexual energy and be open to it. Rather than just focusing on the physical pleasure, tantra is about the whole experience.
Basically, it’s all about celebrating your body and creating a deeper connection with your partner. In my experience, it’s also about more intense sexual experiences on so many levels!
it’s important to note that tantric sex is different than ‘Neotantra’, which is a modern Westernised version of tantra.
Some people confuse tantric sex with the Kama Sutra, but the two are different. The Kama Sutra is an ancient Hindu text that teaches you how to do all sorts of sexual positions. On the other hand, tantric sex is about techniques and connection, rather than positions. However, they can go hand in hand to enhance each other.
Anyone of any gender or sexual orientation can enjoy tantric sex. You don’t even need a partner – you can practice tantric sex solo if you prefer!
I like that it’s a completely accessible practice. If you’re disabled like me or struggle with mobility issues, you can probably practice tantric sex.
What Does Tantric Sex Actually Involve?
You might be thinking: “That all sounds great, but what does tantric sex involve in reality?” Great question!
There are a variety of techniques and positions (we’ll talk more about those later) that are typically used to create a feeling of intimacy and encourage you to be present in the moment. Tantric sex practices focus on really feeling the sensations happening in your body during arousal and sexual pleasure.
Tantra can include mindfulness practices, sensual touch, breathing techniques, tantric massage, and meditation. Among these practices is Yoni worship, which honors the sacred energy of the feminine.
If you’ve ever done meditation or any form of mindfulness, I think it’s easiest to explain tantra as a combination of mindfulness, yoga, sensual foreplay, and sexual pleasure.
Why Do People Like Tantric Sex?
There are lots of benefits to tantric sex and plenty of reasons people enjoy it, including:
Increased intimacy: Tantric sex is all about intimacy. Instead of rushing through sex or focusing on orgasms, you’re focused on being with one another. You pay attention to each other’s bodies and the sensations you both feel. Couples can develop a strong sense of connection through coordinated movements, attentive breathing, sensual touch, and eye contact. The first time I tried it I found it quite emotional!
Enhanced communication: Trust and understanding is key in tantric sex. The intimacy we just talked about can also lead to increased communication.
Stronger bonds: The increased intimacy and communication can create stronger bonds within relationships. In a world that moves so fast, setting aside time to really enjoy each other and appreciate the sexual energy between you can be transformative.
Prolonged intercourse: Tantric sex isn’t about orgasms (although that’s often the result). It’s about sexual energy flowing and enjoying being with one another. The practice teaches you to control your arousal. This can often lead to longer intercourse.
Better mindfulness skills: Tantra involves mindfulness practices that can help build your mindfulness skills. You might even find you’re able to use mindfulness more in your day-to-day life!
Stress reduction: Since there’s plenty of research to show that mindfulness can reduce stress, that means tantric sex can too! Not to mention the release of tension that comes with great sex!
Increasing confidence: Tantric sex encourages openness and vulnerability, which can often lead to increased trust and reduced insecurities. You know those wobbly bits you might be worried about? Or that one area of your body you might try to disguise? Well, that’s not going to happen with tantric sex! And that’s a good thing because you’ll learn to appreciate your body as well as your partner’s.
More intense sexual pleasure: Tantric sex changes the emphasis on orgasms to savoring the intimate experience. This teaches partners to deeply appreciate each other’s bodies and energies. Tantric sex also helps partners better understand each other’s wants and desires – it’s easy to see how this can lead to better sex! Some long-term couples even find it can rekindle sexual desire that may have faded.
Most Popular 8 Tantric Sex Positions
Tantric sex is more about the technique than the positions, but there are some popular tantric sex positions that can help you connect with your partner.
1. Yab Yum Position
This is probably the most popular tantric sex position, and the most well known! It’s also known as the lotus sex position.
One partner sits cross-legged, and the other sits on their lap, facing them. The person on top puts their legs around the waist of their partner. The penetrating partner is the one on the bottom and the receiving partner is the one on top.
I love this position because it’s fantastic for intimacy, eye contact, and breathwork. It’s also comfortable and fairly accessible. However, if the receiver is significantly heavier than their partner, it might not be the best option.
2. The Goddess Pose
The goddess pose is another classic tantric sex position. The penetrating partner lies on their back and the receiving partner squats on top of them. It’s very similar to the cowgirl position.
This is another position I love because it feels great and is incredibly intimate. It allows excellent eye contact and the use of synchronized breathing techniques.
3. Tantric Missionary
Yep, you’ve guessed it – this is the missionary position but the tantric way! The position is the same, with the receiving partner lying on their back and the penetrating partner on top between their legs. But this time you focus on gazing into each other’s eyes, breathing together, looking at one another. Concentrate on the feelings rather than the climax.
I don’t think I need to say that I love missionary – I think we all do. It’s a classic, let’s face it, and it feels fantastic! This is a great choice if the receiving partner is plus-sized and heavier than their partner.
4. Spooning
Who doesn’t love the good old spooning position? The penetrating partner lies behind their lover, with both partners lying on their side.
It lets you be close to your partner’s body, it’s accessible, it’s comfortable, and it feels good – what’s not to like?! Plus, your hands are free to explore one another.
5. Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)
If you haven’t heard of the coital alignment technique, don’t worry – you’ve probably done it if you have a vulva. It just sounds complicated.
It’s basically just missionary, but the penetrating partner presses the shaft of their penis or sex toy into the clitoris by moving their body forward. The goal is both vaginal and clitoral stimulation.
It feels fantastic in my experience and is wonderful for tantric sex because it’s all about slow, deliberate movements rather than thrusting.
6. Reverse Coital Alignment
Yeah, we get it…”reverse CAT” sounds like a term from an old Doctor Who episode. But it’s a real sex term, and the reverse coital alignment technique is when the person receiving penetration is on top. This modification requires the top partner to lower their body slightly to stimulate their nerve endings. This adjustment allows the penis or dildo to stimulate the clitoris better and provides even more intimacy than cowgirl.
7. Kneeling Butterfly
The kneeling butterfly and its one of the best tantric sex positions for deep penetration and eye contact. The receiving partner lies on their back with their legs up in the air in a ‘V’ shape. The penetrating partner kneels in front of them to enter them and holds their ankles to provide additional support.
It’s a great option if the receiving partner is plus-sized. Top tip – pop a pillow or wedge under your hips if you’re on the bottom to help achieve the best angle.
8. The Hot Seat
Get ready for deep penetration and a feeling of intense closeness with the hot seat position. The penetrating partner kneels and the receiving partner sits on their lap facing away from them. They support their weight on their knees. As a bonus, your hands are free to enjoy touching each other’s bodies.
This isn’t the most comfortable position, especially if you struggle with your mobility or have chronic pain. Although, you can pop a pillow under your knees to make it comfier.
Most of the above positions, except for Reverse CAT position are great for anal sex if this how you prefer it.
8 Common Tantric Sex Practices
Tantric sex practices are probably more important than tantric sex positions. They’re how you form a deeper connection with your partner and focus on being present. I’ve included some of the most common options below.
1. Breathwork
You’ve already heard me refer to breathwork multiple times because it’s such a staple with tantric sex. There are lots of different options with breathwork, but essentially it’s about slowing your breath, breathing deeply, and focusing on it to keep you grounded.
Some couples focus on breathing in and out at the same time as each other (synchronizing their breathing).
You can also use a technique called ‘breathing each other’s breath’, where you breathe in as your partner breathes out, and so on. It helps you to get into a rhythm and pay close attention to one another.
2. Mindful Kissing
Remember when you were younger and were first discovering kissing? You probably used to spend a lot more time ‘just’ kissing, appreciating the feeling, rather than rushing onto the next thing. That’s the essence of mindful kissing.
Spend some time passionately kissing your partner. Pay attention to the sensations you feel and enjoy it without worrying about it leading somewhere.
3. Nurturing Meditation
Meditating alone or together is an excellent practice for tantra. Nurturing meditation is simply meditating together in the spooning position, enjoying the closeness, and breathing deeply together.
4. Eye Gazing
Just like the name suggests, this technique focuses on gazing into each other’s eyes. Sit facing one another and gaze into each other’s eyes for a prolonged period (around 2 minutes or more to start with).
The goal is connection without talking or touching. Then you can combine it with touch once you get the hang of it. It’s also known as ‘soul gazing’.
When you practice tantric sex, you can also focus on eye contact during intercourse, which is a pivotal part of the practice.
5. Hands on Hearts
This technique works well combined with eye gazing and breathwork. You put your right hand on your partner’s heart and your left hand on your own heart.
The idea is that you’re creating a bridge for loving energy. It’s also quite intimate to feel your partner’s heart beating at the same time as feeling your own.
6. Tantric Massage
Tantric massage allows one partner to lie back and relax while the other gives them a slow, sensual full-body massage. Or they can focus the massage on the genitals.
It should be both relaxing and arousing and often lasts a long time. It allows you to tune in with each other’s desires and bodies, and in my experience, it feels mind-blowing!
7. Tantric Touching
Tantric touching involves running your hands over each other’s bodies, exploring one another without immediately touching the genitals or other erogenous zones.
Focus on how each touch feels, both as the giver and the receiver.
8. Energetic Touching
This one isn’t for everyone, but a lot of people who explore tantric sex find that playing with the energy between you can be powerful.
Energetic touching involves one partner lying down while the other moves their hands over their body. But instead of actually touching them, they hover their hands just above their skin. They feel the energy around them, and often, receiving partners say they can feel the energy of their touch too.
Tips to Practice Tantric Sex
If you’re ready to practice tantra, here are some of my top tips to get you started:
Talk to your partner: If you’re going to practice tantra with a partner, talk to them about your desires and expectations. Just like any form of sexual activity, mutual consent is vital.
Create a safe space: Pick a peaceful, distraction-free setting. You can consider using cozy furniture, scented candles, and soft lighting to create the ideal atmosphere. I find that playing tantric music can be a great way to set the mood.
Experiment: Try different tantric techniques and tantric sex positions to see what feels good for you. Take it slow and see how you feel. You could just start with some gentle, slow touching. Remember that it takes time to get used to tantric sex and to be ‘good’ at it. It’s very personal and there’s no one ‘right way’ to do it, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Use protection: Don’t forget to use condoms, dental dams, and other forms of protection even during tantric sex if there’s penetrative sex or oral sex involved.
Add in some toys: Sex toys can be added to tantric sex just like other sexual activities. Focus on vibrators or cock rings with slow rhythms. You could try Yoni Eggs or Ben Wa Balls. They’re often made of crystals and can be used by vulva owners in the vagina to add new sensations and stimulation.
Check-in afterward: Talk to each other afterward to see what you each liked and didn’t like, and what you would like to try next time. A big part of tantric sex is communication and openness with your partner, so don’t forget you can communicate during tantra, too.
Final Thoughts: Tantric Sex Is Powerful
Tantric sex is a journey of discovery, so embrace it with an open mind. It’s all about self-awareness, spiritual connection, and strengthening your relationships.
If you like tantric sex, you might also want to try different sex positions, sensory play, or even incorporate ASMR into your practice.
Whatever you decide to try, remember that the main thing is to have fun with it. So enjoy the journey, discover, explore, and most importantly, enjoy yourself!
