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Kinks vs Fetishes: How to Understand if You Have One or Both

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Kinks vs Fetishes

If you’re reading Know Your Sins, then you’re already interested in learning more about your sexual desires. And a big part of that is learning the lingo. For example, there are two words that are often used interchangeably: “kink” and “fetish.” By understanding more about the difference between these terms, you can discover more about what does (and doesn’t) get you off.

In short, the word “kink” just means that somebody enjoys some kind of sex act or sexual dynamic outside of the mainstream. “Fetish,” meanwhile, describes the specific object of a sexual fantasy, whether living beings or inanimate objects. Unfortunately, the general public often uses these terms interchangeably, and it’s historically been considered impolite to talk about personal kinks or fetishes in mixed company.

Fortunately, that’s been changing in recent years. The world is constantly becoming more sex-positive and, as a result, many fetishes and kinks have been relatively normalized. Many of them are still misunderstood, though, because some get more attention than others. A foot fetish, for example, is downright commonplace, but a vore fetish is much rarer and, therefore, more misunderstood.

That’s where we come in: generally speaking, our site provides a full breakdown of every fetish and kink under the sun. And this guide will help you learn more about the distinction between fetishes and kinks. With this knowledge, you can better understand your innermost desires as you navigate relationships and, with any luck, explore your most forbidden desires with a willing partner.

In short, kinks are like a dash of seasoning…nice to have, but not necessary. In contrast, fetishes are like coffee: essential for arousal but not function without them. Interested in learning more? Keep reading to discover everything you need to know!

naked dark hair with big boobs girl looking at you in harness in dugeon room

Defining the Terms: Kink vs Fetish

Kinks

Kinks are basically unconventional sexual preferences. You’ve probably heard the term “spicy” used to refer to things like erotic books and videos. Well, kink is extra spice…someone might want to heat up their bedroom activities with a bit of BDSM, for example. Or they might bust out some costumes for roleplay, allowing the man to be the stern professor and the woman to be the cute coed willing to do anything for an A. Both BDSM and roleplaying are examples of kinks that can be used to spice up any relationship.

Fetishes

The primary difference between fetishes and kinks are that fetishes focus on a specific object or specific part of someone’s body. A foot fetish, for example, is about making the foot the center of erotic attention. That’s different from a BDSM kink in which someone likes to play with power dynamics but otherwise doesn’t focus on a single body part for their sexual pleasure. Of course, there can be overlap…for example, someone who is into bondage may have a thing for leather, both in terms of the toys they use (like paddles or even whips) and what their sub wears (like a leather corset). In this case, they have a general bondage kink as well as a more specific leather fetish that focuses on a particular material.

two lesbian girls being bratty in feet worship

Differences Between Kink and Fetish

Sexual Gratification Need

If you have a fetish, you most likely need the object of the fetish present in order to achieve sexual arousal or climax. Someone with a foot fetish, for example, may not be able to get off unless their sexual encounter involves feet. Kinks, however, are more like options that are fun but not necessary. That’s why someone with a bondage kink may like being tied up every now and then, but they don’t need to be tied up for each and every sexual act.

Scope and Details

By definition, most fetishes have a narrow focus…someone becomes fixated on a very specific object, and that object must be present in order for them to achieve sexual satisfaction. Kinks, however, are broader…someone into BDSM play, for example, may be interested in a wide range of power exchange activities, including sexually roleplaying, impact and sensory playing and much more.

Fitting in With Society

Sadly, another major distinction between kinks and fetishes are that kinks have gained more acceptance but fetishes remain taboo. For example, the popularity of everything from 50 Shades of Grey to the ACOTAR series have normalized the idea of wanting very kinky sex from time to time. Unfortunately, the basic idea of a fetish–that someone can’t come without the object of their desire present–is still looked down on. With that being said, there’s nothing wrong with having a fetish, and you shouldn’t worry about what anyone thinks other than you and your partner.

fetish toys on bed in kinks an fetishes exploration

More About Kink and Fetish Overlap

You probably started reading this hoping to answer whether you have more of a kink or a fetish. In many cases, though, it’s possible to have both because they are related. Earlier, we touched on the idea that someone might have both a general BDSM kink and a more specific leather fetish. It’s also easy enough for someone to have both a foot fetish and a BDSM kink…after all, the act of worshiping someone’s foot is already very submissive, and you can heighten your excitement by adding power dynamics into the sexual equation.

That’s an important lesson to learn: just because you have a fetish doesn’t mean that you can’t get creative with how you fulfill it. Communicate your needs clearly with your partner and the two of you may be able to work out any number of scenarios that give your sexual activity some naughty variety. And who knows? Once you start this open dialogue, you may discover kinks and fetishes about your partner that you never knew were there!

How Kinks and Fetishes Affect Your Relationship

Some people are hesitant to label their sexual interests as kinks or fetishes because they worry that exploring these feelings will alienate their partner. In reality, it all comes down to honestly communicating your needs with someone.  If you trust your partner, then you don’t have to worry about your desired sexual behavior being judged…for that matter, the two of you will become emotionally closer together thanks to this intense trust.

As the conversation continues, you may need to develop a safeword and discuss boundaries and hard limits before engaging in activities like role play. And you need to mentally prepare for the idea that your partner may not want to engage in every activity that the kink community celebrates. But you won’t know until you ask, and asking is the only way to explore the spicier aspects of human sexuality that you have been craving.

Pony play in BDSM


Kinks, Fetishes, and You

Now you know more about the difference between kinks and fetishes, including how they work and how society views them.

As the most open type of people, the queer community has been creative in bed for decades.  If you want to explore some of the hottest gay kinks, check out our guide and see where your desires take you.

At Know Your Sins, we’re big believers that you shouldn’t worry about what society thinks…you should worry about what makes you feel good. And once you’re ready to be honest to yourself and your partner about your unconventional needs, you’re ready to discover a world of sensual pleasure and forbidden delights.

author avatar
Samuel Davis Senior Author & Content Manager
With a background in journalism and a strong interest in psychology, Samuel combines his storytelling skills with a passion for exploring kink and fetishes, crafting content that's engaging, insightful, and fun for readers.✍️📚