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Exploring Open Desire in Relationships
Have you ever felt that being with just one person wasn’t for you? Or thought that your partner was so hot, they shouldn’t be confined to sex with just you? If so, you’re not alone. Monogamy might be the ‘norm’ in our society, but things are becoming far more open (including relationships).
Hotwifing is one form of consensual non-monogamy that many committed couples enjoy. If you’re curious, look no further – I’ve got you covered.
This article will explore everything you need to know about hotwifing, including tips on getting started if it appeals to you.
What is Hotwifing?
Hotwifing is a kink where a wife is ‘given permission’ by her husband or long-term partner to have sex with other people. Basically, the ‘hot wife’ is a sexually attractive woman and her husband takes great pleasure in the fact that other people desire her.
The husband may enjoy hearing about his partner’s sexual experiences, or even enjoy watching them. He may like looking at pictures or videos of her encounters. He might even help her plan and get ready for dates. In some cases, he may be involved in the sex itself.
Hotwifing isn’t like cheating where the wife cheats on the husband who doesn’t know what’s going on. This is a type of open relationship where the husband actively encourages his wife to enjoy being with others. He’s fully aware of what is happening and he loves it!
I know this can sound confusing or even shocking if you’re not used to open relationships. And if it’s not for you, that’s ok! But there’s nothing wrong with ethical non-monogamy as long as everyone involved is consenting and happy.
Who Can Try it?
So far, we’ve been using gendered terms, but hotwifing can be for anyone! Although the terms ‘hot wife’ and ‘husband’ are typically used for this kink, anyone of any gender can enjoy hotwifing.
Hotwifing isn’t the most inclusive term, but the act itself is inclusive of all. You might also hear the term ‘hot husband’ to refer to a husband or man who has sex with other people, but this isn’t inclusive of non-binary people.
The bottom line is, that the main couple can be any gender pairing, and the ‘hot partner’ can sleep with people of any gender.
Although we’ll be using the term ‘hot wife’ in this article, at KYS we’re inclusive of all kinksters. We don’t leave anyone out here and as a queer woman myself, it’s important to me that you all feel welcome and included here. Ok, now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s learn more!
How is it Different From Other Forms of Non Monogamy?
Hotwifing is often confused with other non-monogamous practices, but it’s important to understand its unique dynamics. It’s very similar to cuckolding, and in fact, it can sometimes overlap. But hotwifing and cuckolding are different in one distinct way – the emotional part!
With cuckolding, the ‘cuck’ (the person whose partner is having sex with others) is typically submissive. Their fetish heavily involves being humiliated by their partner sleeping with others. Their partner who is sleeping with other people is typically in a dominant role.
On the other hand, with hotwifing, the partner is proud and happy about their partner’s pleasure. They aren’t experiencing humiliation or feeling ‘less than’.
Plus, hotwifing isn’t usually about power dynamics. The hotwife isn’t in charge or looking down on their main partner. The foundation of hotwifing is that it’s an empowering and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
Roles
There are three main roles in hotwifing. There’s the ‘husband’ or long-term partner who enjoys their partner sleeping with others. They’re sometimes referred to as the ‘stag’. They take great pride in having a sexy partner that other people desire.
There’s the ‘hot wife’ or partner who has sex with other people. The hot wife is sometimes called the ‘vixen’. They enjoy having sex with others, encouraged by their long-term partner.
And finally, there’s the person outside of the relationship who has sex with the hot wife. They’re usually called the ‘bull’. They’re typically very attractive and their role is to have fun with the hot wife, fulfilling the fantasy for the couple.
Everyone involved plays an important role. For this type of dynamic to work, all three participants should be enjoying themselves and be eager to play their part.
Why Do People Like it?
If this sort of thing is new to you, you might be thinking: “Why would people want to do that?” Well, every person and couple is different. But there are a few common reasons that people enjoy hotwifing.
For the stag, they’re typically proud of how attractive their partner is and want to show them off. Some may get turned on by knowing how much other people desire their partner. They get off on the fact that although their vixen is ‘allowed’ to go and be with other people, they choose to come home to their stag at the end of the day.
Many stags experience something called compersion.I like to think of this sort of like the opposite of jealousy. Instead of being insecure or jealous at the thought of their partner being with someone else, they enjoy seeing their partner happy. For them, it doesn’t matter if this happiness or joy comes from others.
It’s easy to see why this setup can appeal to the vixen. They get to have a dedicated long-term partner who puts their happiness first, and they get to go out and have sexy fun with other partners. You might say it’s the best of both worlds! What’s not to like?!
Lots of vixens find this type of relationship very empowering. They are desired and admired, which can be a powerful boost to their self-esteem.
If the hotwife is a female partner in a heterosexual relationship, they may find this relationship dynamic particularly thrilling. In a world where men are typically ‘put first’, it can be revolutionary to feel that your needs are what is most important.
For the bull, hotwifing is all about having a hot, steamy sexual encounter with a sexy lover. They get to enjoy a no-strings experience and potentially try something new.
A lot of people think that open relationships mean that you’re less committed to your partner or that you don’t love each other as much. Some people think that there’s less intimacy or trust. Having been in many a consensual open relationship myself, I can promise you that isn’t the case!
There’s at least as much (if not more) trust and closeness required in an open relationship because you have to communicate so openly. You need to consistently check in with each other, respect each other’s boundaries, and ensure everyone involved is happy and fulfilled. It’s all about balance and open communication, which increases intimacy rather than prevents it! So, perhaps some people like hotwifing because it brings them closer to their partner.
If the relationship has become stale or is lacking sexual excitement, some couples find that hotwifing can spice things up. Trying something new or taboo can be exciting. Some couples even find it can increase their sex drive and the sexual attraction between them.
Tips For Starting Your Journey
Feeling intrigued and ready to give it a go? I’ve included my top tips below to help you get started on your hotwifing journey:
Communicate and consent: Talk to your partner about your desires and make sure you’re both on the same page. You need to know exactly what hotwifing entails and both fully consent. It’s important to keep this communication open at all times throughout your new adventure.
Set clear boundaries: It’s so important to set clear boundaries with each other. Talk about what you want to happen and, equally, what you don’t want to happen. You should respect each other’s boundaries at all times.
Start slow: You don’t need to rush into involving a third party straight away. Take your time and build up to inviting a bull into the picture, especially if it’s a new concept for you. You could share fantasies, try some dirty talk, or even enjoy some roleplay revolving around hotwifing. This way you can see how you both feel and make sure you want to move forward.
Planning to involve a bull: Once you’re ready to move forward, you can find a bull. How exciting! Make sure you talk about this in-depth and make a plan. Who is going to talk to the bull? What gender will they be? Who will be there during the encounter? Will the vixen be with each bull only once, or can they see one bull regularly? Where will you meet? Where will you have sex? You get the idea – there’s so much to consider. The more you plan, the better prepared you’ll be.
Finding a bull: In terms of actually finding a bull, it may be someone one of you knows. Or you might connect with someone like-minded on a fetish website like Fetlife, at a kink party, on social media, or on a niche dating website for those who are non-monogamous (yes, those exist).
Consider a safe word: A safe word is a word not normally used in conversation. Anyone involved can use it to indicate they want to stop. It’s a good idea to have a safe word so everyone feels comfortable indicating they have reached their limit.
Protect yourself from STIs: Protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancies and STIs is even more important when you are having sex with multiple partners. I highly recommend asking everyone involved to get a sexual health test. You should also use protection like condoms and dental dams.
Be careful when meeting new lovers: The vixen should also think about other types of protection when meeting a new partner for sex. Let your husband or partner know where you’ll be, who you’re meeting, and how long you expect to be there. Make sure you meet in public the first time. And keep your phone at hand in case you need help. If I’m meeting someone new in any setting, I like to have my phone location on and have at least one person tracking it in case I need assistance. Unfortunately, especially as a woman in today’s society, we have to be extra careful.
Consider the law: Understanding local laws is crucial for those engaging in hotwifing, as perceptions of polyamory can lead to misunderstandings. In most places, having sex outside of your marriage isn’t illegal, but this can vary. Keep in mind that having sex with others can also be grounds for fault-based divorce, so ensure that you are protecting yourself and making sure both partners are definitely on the same page.
Prioritize aftercare: After any hotwifing session, it’s important to check with each other. This doesn’t just apply to the stag and vixen, but also to the vixen and bull. Talk to each other, make sure everyone is happy, and take care of each other. The main couple may want to use this time to reconnect and talk about the vixen’s experience. For many couples, it can be a time of arousal as they talk about the sex they had with the bull!
Have fun: The whole point is to have fun, right? So although planning and being careful is important, once you’ve got all of that stuff set up, try to relax and enjoy the experience!
Final Thoughts: It’s Fun to Have a Hot Wife!
Hotwifing is a form of ethical non-monogamy that many people enjoy. It’s completely different from cheating. Instead, the husband or main partner is excited, proud, and happy that their hotwife is enjoying sex with someone else. When it’s done right with open communication and trust, hotwifing can be a beautiful thing!
If hotwifing isn’t for you, don’t worry – there are plenty of other kinks and fetishes you could use to spice up your sex life!
