Cuckold BDSM
Have you ever fantasized about your partner watching you having sex with someone else? Or perhaps you’re the partner, imagining your lover being pleased by someone else while you sit in the next room listening.
If the thought of this sort of scenario turns you on, you probably have a kink or fetish known as cuckolding!
You’ve probably heard of cuckolding, but might not know what it actually is and how it works in BDSM. If the idea appeals to you or you’re simply curious, then you’re in the right place.
This guide will tell you everything you need to know about BDSM cuckolding as well as provide some tips for beginners.
What is a Cuckold?
Let’s start from the beginning. What exactly is cuckolding? It’s a sexual kink or fetish where someone gets pleasure from their partner engaging in sexual activities with others. It’s a form of consensual non-monogamy.
Traditionally, it was thought that a cuckold fantasy was something mainly heterosexual cisgender men enjoyed. However, we now know this isn’t the case! Anyone of any gender or sexual orientation can take part in cuckolding.
A cuckold or ‘cuck’ is a person who enjoys their partner being with other people. You may also hear the term ‘cuckquean‘ referring to a woman who enjoys cuckolding.
Cuckold fetishism isn’t like cheating – the cuck is fully aware of what is happening and, more than that, they want it to happen!
The cuck may watch their partner with someone else, but this isn’t always the case. Sometimes they may help their partner prepare for a date with someone else, or wait at home to hear about it later. Others may listen from another room, or be sent pictures and videos of the sexual encounters.
Given the amount of online searches and porn videos watched on the topic, we know that cuckolding is a common fantasy!
Where Did The Term Cuckold Come From?
The term “cuckold” originated from the cuckoo bird, known for laying its eggs in other birds’ nests. This symbolized a partner’s infidelity. The other birds then raised the offspring even though they weren’t biologically theirs.
Traditionally, the term referred to a husband who was unaware of his wife’s unfaithfulness. Now the term refers to willing participants in non-monogamous relationships.
How is Cuckolding Different From Other Types of Non Monogamy?
Cuckolding differs from other types of ethical non-monogamy because it focuses on the cuck watching what’s happening or being aware of it. The cuckold typically is not sexually involved but may engage in erotic voyeurism, consensual exhibitionism, or humiliation.
Unlike polyamory, cuckolding doesn’t typically involve romantic feelings with the third person – it’s just about sexual satisfaction.
There are other similar fetishes, such as hotwifing. Hotwifing refers to a cisgender, heterosexual husband enjoying having a sexually desirable wife. He may encourage her to have sexual adventures with other men.
The main difference between hotwifing and cuckolding is that hotwifing is about pride rather than humiliation or sexual arousal for the cuck.
Erotic candaulism refers to someone enjoying showing their partner’s sexual images to others (consensually of course). Unlike cuckolding, this doesn’t involve direct sexual contact with others.
The Roles in Cuckold BDSM
In cuckold BDSM, there are three primary roles: the cuckold, the bull, and the adulterous wife. Each plays a significant part in creating the dynamic that makes this fetish so unique and fulfilling.
The Cuckold
The term ‘cuckold’ refers to the willing participant who finds pleasure in their partner’s sexual encounters with others.
The cuckold might enjoy humiliation, voyeurism, or simply the emotional intensity that comes from seeing their partner with another person.
The Adulterous Wife
The ‘adulterous wife‘ is the partner of the cuck who has sexual encounters with other people. This isn’t always a married woman or even a woman – they can be any gender. You might also hear them referred to as the ‘cuck-queen’ or ‘cuckoldress’.
This person plays an important role, embodying both sexual dominance and exploration.
The Bull
The ‘bull’ is the person who engages in sexual activities with the cuck queen.
The bull has no-strings-attached sex with the cuck’s partner. They can be any gender and are usually more dominant or strong than the cuck.
Why Do People Like Cuckolding?
If you’re new to the idea of a cuckold fantasy, you might be wondering: “Why on earth would people like their partner having sex with someone else?” The truth is, there are lots of possible reasons!
It’s important to remember that we’re all individuals, so our sexual preferences and fetishes are very individualized too.
Let’s take a look at common reasons people enjoy cuckolding.
Compersion
Compersion refers to the pleasure derived from seeing one’s partner happy. The cuck enjoys seeing their partner getting enjoyment and sexual pleasure from the bull. You can think of it as the opposite of jealousy!
Sexual Pleasure
For the partner of the cuck and the bull, the answer is quite simple – they get sexual pleasure from being intimate with each other.
For cucks, often watching or hearing about their partner with another person is intensely arousing.
Some theories talk about the ‘sperm competition theory‘ for cucks with penises. The theory suggests that watching your partner with another person with a penis creates a biological response that leads to longer, more passionate, and more pleasurable sex.
Humiliation and Submission
Cuckolding is often part of BDSM and power dynamics. The cuck may be submissive and the cuck queen may be dominant. What’s more submissive than giving up your place in the bedroom and letting someone else satisfy your partner?
This dynamic often involves humiliation and degradation for the cuck. A big part of this is them knowing their partner is getting sexual pleasure from someone else. Often this is someone they perceive as ‘better’ or ‘more attractive’ than them.
Sometimes it can also involve mental humiliation, where the cuckolds penis is ridiculed or belittled by the adulterous wife and the bull. This can also tie in with small penis humiliation. Of course, everything is done completely consensually.
Erotic Jealousy
Although jealousy is typically thought of as a damaging emotion in a relationship, for people with a cuckold fantasy it can be arousing. Yes, that’s right – they get jealous of their partner being with someone else and it turns them on!
For many cucks, that feeling of jealousy can make them desire their partner more and be more passionate in the bedroom.
Spicing Up Your Sex Life
For some long-term couples who find their sex life has become a bit stale, cuckolding can be a way to spice things up. It’s a way of making things exciting again and trying something new.
Increased Communication
Engaging in cuckolding requires a great deal of trust, open communication, and mutual respect. For some, these aspects can result in more intimacy and a closer connection overall.
Trying Something Taboo
We naturally gravitate towards things we aren’t ‘supposed’ to enjoy. You can’t tell me you’ve never enjoyed doing something ‘naughty’ – I know I have! It’s fun and thrilling, like an adrenaline rush.
Well, cuckolding is similar. Monogamy is the ‘norm’ in our society, making cuckolding taboo and therefore, more appealing for some kinksters.
Tips For Starting Your Cuckolding Journey
So, now that we understand the basics of cuckolding, let’s take a look at some things to consider to help you get started on your journey.
Bringing It Up With Your Partner
If cuckolding is new for you and your partner, the best piece of advice I can give you is to talk to them about it. Be open and honest, even if that’s a bit nerve-wracking at first.
Keep in mind that they may not be into it, or may be taken aback at the thought. Be ready to answer any questions they have or address any concerns they bring up.
Remember that you have been thinking about it for a while, but it might be a completely new concept to them. Be patient and mindful of their feelings.
If they’re the one who brings it up with you and you’re unsure, hear them out and stay calm. Ask questions and voice your feelings. You have a right to say no if the idea doesn’t appeal to you, but make sure you don’t dismiss your partner’s feelings without talking about them openly.
It’s important that cuckolding is done with full consent from everyone involved, just like any other sexual activity.
Take It Slow
Once you’re ready to get started, I recommend taking it slow. Gradual exploration is key. You don’t have to jump in the deep end and invite a bull into the bedroom right away.
Couples can start by discussing fantasies, watching cuckold porn together, or talking about past experiences with others. Play around and see how you both feel before you build up to bringing a bull into the picture.
Safety and Risk
Of course, there are some risks and safety concerns involved with cuckolding that you should take into account. It’s important you make a well-informed decision.
There are emotional risks, such as jealousy or feelings of rejection. There’s also the risk of breakdown of trust, or the cuck queen developing attachments to the bull.
Having multiple sexual partners can significantly increase the risks of STIs or unwanted pregnancy. Thankfully, there are things you can do to lessen the risks.
I’ve included some safety tips below:
Use protection: One of the most important safety measures is to use protection such as condoms and dental dams. I highly recommend asking everyone involved to get an STI test for extra safety.
Set and respect boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between you and your partner. Consider things like where you want the sex act to take place, what it will involve, and what your limits are. Plan as many details as possible so you both feel prepared and as in control as you can. Ensure you respect each other’s boundaries at every stage. It’s also important that you respect the bull’s boundaries – consent is key for everyone involved.
Keep communicating: Keep the lines of communication open with your partner. If one of you starts to feel uncomfortable at any point, it’s important you stop what you’re doing and prioritize your relationship.
Have a safe word: A safe word is a great way to ensure any participant can quickly and clearly voice that they want to stop the activity.
Choose a bull carefully: Think about whether you want the bull to be someone you know or someone neither of you have met. You’ll also need to figure out how you’re going to find your bull, for example, on a fetish website like Fetlife or using a niche dating site for cuckolds.
Safety rules with the bull: Maintain the same safety rules as you would if you were meeting anyone new for the first time. For example, meet in public, make sure your partner knows your location if they’re not with you, and don’t disclose too much personal information to the bull.
Have Fun
The whole point of any sexual activity is to enjoy yourself, right? Try to relax and enjoy yourself.
You could try different ways of enhancing the experience, such as involving toys, trying new sex positions, or roleplaying.
Combining cuckolding with other kinks and fetishes can make it even more exciting.
Final Thoughts
Cuckolding is a multifaceted sexual fetish that involves complex emotional dynamics and diverse roles. It can be an exciting way to spice up your sex life and may open the door to exploring other kinks and fetishes.
If you’re interested in trying cuckolding, ensure you focus on open communication, consent, and clear boundaries. And don’t forget to have fun!